Just Friends
by VirusPulse
Summary: AU. Izaya and Shizuo have split but still live together. One shot.


Addiction: noun, the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity. Synonyms: dependence, habit, problem.

Problem. Izaya definitely had a problem. A tall, blonde, monster of a problem. It pained him to think of the person he loved as _problem, _but it _was _true and he _was _addicted.

He and Shizuo had been dating awhile and decided to move into together some few months ago. That is probably when things started to fall apart. Everything went a lot smoother when there was some distance between them.

"_I don't love you anymore." _

Tears stung his eyes as the memory Shizuo walking away replayed in his head. He screamed and cried for days, but the pain never eased. It didn't help that their lease wasn't up for another three months so the other had just moved to the bedroom next door.

Izaya looked around the bedroom they use to share. Shizuo taken everything out and it felt like there was a hole where he was supposed to be.

It was hard being in the room. It was hard sleeping in the empty bed. It was hard seeing memories in everything. It was hard the nights Shizuo wanted to play friends. It was hard the nights they would end up drinking. It was hard the nights he let those beautiful, brown eyes pull him into bed, the nights he let those monster's hands grace his skin freely.

They don't tell you about this side of love, the one with the edge of a knife pressed to your wrist with a shaking hand and head set in stubborn determination. They don't tell you about the silenced words burning holes into the back of your throat. They don't tell you about the physical ache in your chest or the acid that won't stop _pouring_ from your eyes and the sting from rubbing your face raw. They don't tell you how even the best memories haunt you like a vengeful spirit. They don't tell you that while one person falls deeper in love the other falls out.

Love is _really_ like this; when they leave you want to carve your heart out to stop the pain, you can't even look at them because you just know that you will fall for them all over again, the very scent of their cologne makes you feel like you're drowning, and, against the voice screaming at you to not to, you will agree to be their friend despite your best interest because you can't bare the thought of living life without them in it. You will cry yourself to sleep some nights. You will want to die. You will do _anything _to keep them in your life.

That's what Izaya is doing, or it's what he's telling himself. Saying he's okay with living together, with being just friends, with sleeping with each other, cuddling some nights…

He's okay…

It's fine…

At least Shizuo is here, right?

He knows what he's doing is stupid, but what is he supposed to do? Saying no, stop, don't, is hard. Saying no to Shizuo? Impossible. He doesn't want to anyway. He's fooling himself, but maybe, just maybe-

The sound of the front door opening distracted him and Izaya quickly wiped his eyes and began typing away at his computer before Shizuo turned the corner.

"Hey." Izaya could feel his heart breaking all over again.  
"Hi Shizu-chan!~ How was work? Break any bones today, brute?" He was trying. He was trying really hard to do this whole friend thing, but every time he looks at Shizuo, every time that blonde's carefree laugh echos in his ears, the words "I love you" die on his lips and he has to grit his teeth in silence.

These moments where they would exchange a few meaningless words felt so foreign. It felt like they were just going through the motions, as if they were putting on a show for themselves. At least that's what it felt like to him. Who knew what was going through the other's head. That was one piece of information Izaya would do anything for, but would never get, because despite being "friends," there are just some things people refuse to talk about.  
Even if he could get him to speak, it's not like he'd get a straight answer. He just sort of knew it was his fault, that he did something wrong. It's what he keeps telling himself. Shizuo swears it's not. Just fell out of love, he says. How does a person do that anyway, fall out of love? It just didn't make sense.  
"Izaya! Don't start with that bullshit silence game again." The blonde growled and headed into his room. "I don't want to deal with your attitude."  
Izaya's mouth hung open. "_What just happened?" _Anger flared up inside of him. He spaces out for two seconds and now he's not worth the effort.

His eyes began to sting again as tears welled up in his eyes for the fifth time today. Why does this keep happening?

Anger filled his achy heart. It's one thing to drop someone like they never meant a thing to you, but to turn around and make them feel like they are a huge mistake, like they are a waste of time? No. Izaya will not stand for this. Against his better judgment, he followed hot on his heels.

"Um, excuse you? You have the audacity to yell at me for spacing out? You?! I don't think so, _pal." _Shizuo pulled his shades off his face, glaring. "Stop that! You don't get to treat me this way! You can't expect my feelings to disappear just because you decided out of nowhere that you don't love me anymore!"

"Oh, come on, Izaya. You can't expect me to believe that you were actually in love with me."

"I was!" Shizuo scoffed. "What?"

"You weren't-"

"Stop disregarding my feelings! You knew from the very beginning that our relationship wasn't going to be a normal one! Where are you going?"

"I'm not, you are. Get out of my house." Izaya's eyes widened at the suitcase the blonde threw at his feet.

"What? Shizuo, I have nowhere to go!" His voice cracked as panic started to set in.

"Not my problem. Get your shit and get out."Hot tears burned like acid down his cheek and he thought for sure his heart may break in two again.

There were many things Izaya wanted. He wanted to stay, to fight for the Shizuo he was certain was still in there. He wanted to keep loving him as if nothing ever happened. He want to pretend that the man before him was just a stranger in a this nightmare he was having.

Instead he left in a dizzying haze of emptiness that was his hollowed out heart. The rain came down heavily that night as Izaya wandered the streets, feet dragging for he no longer had the the strength to keep fighting.

Izaya was dying; dying for the pain to stop, for the fear to wash away, for Shizuo to chase him down and apologize, but that wasn't going to happen tonight or any other night.

Did you know that a broken heart can kill you?


End file.
